Fears

 

Yesterday, when I got the notice which indirectly stated that I'm an extra, unwanted, and unrequired member here............. A few thoughts popped up in my mind. I'm putting them in black and white with the hope that everything will be well eventually. I wish it not to be adieu but, to be the beginning of a new realm.

Apprehensions and consternations

Was that what I wished for?

Happiness was what I sought...

But all of a sudden

That all seems afar

In a short span, the relations were made

But now, all seems in limbo

All adjustments now took a shade

Now its time to go

Ripples of feeling alienated at a known place

I was thrilled with the people and space

Now bearing the brunt of

A few slip-ups made in a haze

Shell-shocked and in a state of quandary

Maybe the vacancies available in sundry

Still afraid of what's in my fate

Once more life is a clean slate

I pray to God for courage

To start things anew

Comfortability will be obtained,

Maybe in days but few

Dithering at the state of new adjustment

Its time to initiate new interactions

Antsy of existing disability

Heed of my vulnerability

Well, it's not a choice but dictatorship

Uttering curses under God's flagship

A humanitarian approach or treatment with a whip

Now left everything to God and his mastership.

Blackboard

Black-board

A black-board is a teacher's ally
Having the companionship of a duster and chalk
One to erase all that fills it
And other to fill it anon

A black-board is an artists canvass
A habitue of institute's parties and celebrations
Get adorned by novel phrases and sayings
And enlighten all the generations

An innocent's heart is an empty blackboard
I have the yen that no one writes on it
As the time elapses away eventually
Can be easily wiped off, all that's written on it.

Perhaps, life was like a black-board
Never trailing behind
Magnanimous to wipe off all the mistakes
Even something splendid gets abraded with time

Perhaps, life was a new blackboard
Capacious to occupying anything from history to science
Adorning itself with white lines
Contended with its own boundary lines







 

 

First day in the school

 

My School

Wreathed in the halo of fears

A lot of apprehensions, presumptions, and misconceptions

Heart packed with enthusiasm and embarrassment

I traversed the path to the school

Yes, it was my first day in the school

Yes, it was a government school.

Dispirited by the discomfort of my disability

Awkwardness in gait but sure of my abilities

Hopes abound with the confidence of stability

I traversed the path to the school

Yes, it was my first day in the school

Yes, it was a government school.

Anticipation was rightful - a nondescript building needs a groom

The goddess of learning resided in the antiquated classrooms

A vast ground with no guardroom

Cold and dark staffroom

Yes, it was my first day in the school

Yes, it was a government school.

Huge Ground with scattered shales and macadam 

Large enough to hamper my ambulation

Piercing deep, paining and leading to frustration

Perturburating confidence and enhancing palpitation

Yes, it was my first day in the school

Yes, it was a government school

I continued as I knew to get benefit from something

It was unknown to me as I knew about it nothing

Beyond the sight, perhaps my status was burnishing

Going to give me pleasure, though it was now anguishing

Thoughts of my first day in the school

Yes, it was a government school

The unexceptional building rested in a pristine environment

The exceptional staff were always at its upliftment

Bon homie headmaster and a congenial department

Heaved sigh to be in this school

Yes, it was my first day in the school

Yes, it was a government school.

A figment of thought stirred my realization

For, both- I, and the school needed some renovation

Me at the mercy of  God and the school at the administration

Scholars radiated conviviality, away from the lull, made my life full

Yes, it was my first day in the school

Yes, it was a government school.

                                              Truth/ Lies                                                         

                                                          सच / झूठ

सोचता हूं की बात छिपा लूं

पर झूठ मुझसे बोला जाता नहीं

फितरत ऐसी हो गई ऐसी अब मेरी

चेहरे पर नक़ाब लगाया जाता नहीं

सच थोड़ा कड़वा जरूर है

पर झूठ की तरह क्षणभंगुर नहीं

कल सबके सामने सच आयेगा

इसलिए झूठ का नक़ाब मुझे मंजूर नहीं

कुछ लोग झूठ बोलते हैं इस तरह

उन पर यकीन ना करने की रहती कोई गुंजाइश नहीं

लोग कहते हैं झूठ से भरोसे टूट जाते हैं

मैंने सच पे भी रिश्तों का स्थिर रहना देखा नहीं

अब सोचता हूं की झूठ का हुनर ​​भी तलाश लूं

जब सच पे भी हमारे अजीज हमारे साथ रहे नहीं

इस जमाने मैं झूठों को कहीं का कहीं देखा है?

मैने सच बोला, तो रे गया वही का वहीँ

रसना vs जिव्हा (Rasana vs Jivha)

Doha

Though rasna and jivha are synonyms yet there is a dissimilarity among them apropos to the usage. Rasna is associated with taste whereas jivha is broadly used with speech. Rasna  may ultimately help to gain the knowledge of Rasa whereas Jivha is associated with 'vaani'

Jivha can be a potion as well as a poison. Each individual is born with a 'jivha' in his mouth but very few can give it appropriate meaning. The significance of the jivha lies in its sweetness; it's a quality that renders it the prestige of being a potion. Inadvertently, it can harmonize the complete environment. In this 'avtaar' it is liked and cherished by all. The sweetness of 'jivha' can establish the reign of love whereas its bitterness can make even a peaceful atmosphere turbulent. The 'Jivha' has immense power to  even calm down an agitated person and make him jubilant again

The powers of Jivha can make a placate environment turn into a turbulent one. It is the jivha that has the strength to make anyone a fen, an adherent, a friend, or a well-wisher. We can say that the sweetness of jivha possesses hypnotic powers, and can enchant anyone towards you; besides, it can lead to ravages or can halt the mass homicides.

Thus, to hold jivha in restraints is paramount over control of rasna. Moreover, control over jivha is victory over self, on our soul, and the way towards balmy disposition. 

Rasna, on the other hand, has relation to gustatory desires. Biologically, it is a sense organ that helps to perceive tastes.  It leads to idiosyncratic behavior towards different foods. It's a major sense organ that aids chefs and other epicurean people. It's a common belief if someone knows the art to appease 'Rasna' then that person can easily win the heart of the person whose Rasana is appeased. 

The concept of the difference between Jivha and Rasna cropped in my mind when on the occasion of the Jain festival I read a post extolling people for controlling their Rasna for eight consecutive days. My mind revolted on the praise for control of rasna. 

I believe that the control on rasana may also be mere due to some constraints. An impoverished who does not have enough to satisfy his gustatory needs may be forced to have restraint on Rasna, and that too not mere for eight days but for months or years or even till the life span. An ailed person may have to keep his rasna in control due to prohibitory measures. Considering the abovementioned constraints, control over rasna is not a big deal, a bigger achievement is in fact control of jivha. Jivha can lead to destruction if it crosses the limits.

The sweetness of Jivha reflects the kindness of the heart, politeness in writing, and easygoing behavior. Jivha can morph itself both as melodious veena or injurious arrow, and a lot depends on the possessor that how he wants to use it.

Finally, when it boils down to the restraint of jivha or rasna, I would end this blog with the note that control over jiva is a far most arduous task than control over rasna, so one who keeps jivha in control need to be accoladed than the one who keeps rasna in control.

Nothing is permanent

 Nothing is permanent

One evening when I was mulling

Over something even unknown to me

With an ingratiating smile

said My niece  to me

What's bothering thee

Expressionless was me

There was nothing to hile

Sulked I was not

But stoic I was

Quizzically she looked over me

Happy weren't you when we arrived

And sad, as soon we will depart

Philosophically with a wry smile, I said

People meet and move apart

Law of nature this is

Which does not call for tears to be shed

No one gets bound to anyone

And continues to move ahead.

She questioned me further

Will thy heart be not grieved...

when I kick the bucket

I was taken off-guard and retorted

Will there be any need?

Because way before I'll pass

So, there is no probability to cry

And also, it's me who deters longevity

'Coz no one will be nigh to cry

My parents are my obligation

then my soul will desire liberation

It is in accordance with the rule of nature

Should get acceptance from all the creature

Nothing is permanent here

Attachment to anyone will only bring tears.

All is flux, just flow with it

At present, this is the most I can say,

Take the life as it comes in your way.

A MUCH AWAITED FESTIVAL, DIWALI- REMEMBRANCES

 

The much-awaited joyous festival of lights is again here. In retrospection, Though Diwali is honored due to the same traditional values yet it had one more meaning for us. It was the day when the whole family used to congregate in one place. It was delightful and exciting to meet our cousins, grandmother, uncle, and aunt after a long long lag. Schools vacations were announced for festival months i.e. There weren't any schools from Dusshera to a few days after Diwali.

It was the time when the festival of Diwali was not only confined to the families but to the community as well. We knew all the members, residing not only in our lane but also in adjacent lanes, and could smell the pleasant aroma of specially cooked recipes from each home gratifying our olfactory lobes. It is rightly said that "The aroma reaches the nose before the food reaches the mouth and we can taste it." We had to cherish that aroma in our brains before we actually get to taste it on Diwali. Here I would like to mention that we (all children) were diligent participants in the preparation of all the delicacies at our home. This is a trait that is missing in the present generation who refrains from assisting for preparation but are always ahead in devouring the same.

There was a happy exchange of delicacies and pleasantries and everyone enjoyed doing so. The cover on the plate in which the sweets and other savories were exchanged were used to gauge the quality of delicacies inside the plate. More attractive and artistic covers define the creative genius and the positive intention of the giver whereas others were just accepted not to embarrasses them but with less heart.

The smell of paints, varnishes, and whitewash pervaded throughout the entire colony. Everyone used to put in all their efforts to embellish their homes (with the hope that goddess Lakshmi will come to their abodes on the night of Diwali). The houses were painted on each Diwali with either "chuna" or "yellow soil" or distemper. Rejmal paper was used to scrape off the old coating and it was supplanted by a new coat. Whitewashing the houses was done annually which is missing these days. Houses really appeared more clean and brand new and heralded the advent of the auspicious festival of Diwali.

Buying new clothes

We never got to have branded dresses in those days. Moreover, we always wore tailor-stitched dresses rather than buying readymade ones. If we have to go for readymade ones, sales were the first option. local Shops on Rajbada or M.G.Road were always given the preference. We were happy and contented in those clothes and felt ourselves in the 7th sky after donning them on the day of Diwali. Refurbishing and altering the clothes of the elders for younger ones was highly prevalent in most families.

Buying fireworks

I was quite scared of crackers when I was a kid. I am repulsive to Crackers even now. Crackers were usually meant for my elder brother who had all dominance over me. He used to enjoy my share of crackers too. I was only an observer and sometimes get to enjoy the sparkles of 'Phulijhri' of 'rassi'

Similarly, Niki was very scared of crackers, and she had to be literally dragged by her parents to come 

for pooja at the shop as she had to cross the bustling lane of Sarafa laden with bangs and explosions of crackers.

Once our grandmother told us about the harmful effects of burning crackers. Inspired by her reasons for the harm associated with fireworks, I completely gave off them. So, with time the idea and desire of having crackers never walked in mind and saved us from directly exposing us to the detrimental effects of the crackers.

Deepawali Puja: 

Deepawali is believed to be the festival of the arrival of Goddess Lakshmi. Puja of Goddess Laxmi, Saraswati, and Lord Ganesh. is done to invoke them and bless our homes with their arrival. According to a hearsay, Sita (consort of Lord Rama) was an incarnation of Lakshmi and after an exile of 14 years, she returned to Ayodhya on Diwali; to welcome her and show happiness, the whole city was adorned with diyas. The lights of Diyas enlightened the whole city on the night of 'Amavasya'. Ganeshji is the lord of Riddhi and Siddhi and Laxmi Ji is the goddess of prosperity and they are worshipped together to get good luck throughout the year.

Apart from Goddess Lakshmi,, Saraswati and Lord Ganesh, Lord Mahavira, and Gautam Swami are also worshipped on the night of Diwali. Lord Mahavira attained Nirvana on Diwali and Gautam Swami, who was his disciple acquired 'Keval Gyan' with the nirvana of Mahavira. All the rituals pertaining to Puja were followed religiously. Sometimes even a pundit performed all the rituals for us. Puja was a grand event at that time and mostly took place in our Shastri Colony home. But once we moved to Agrawal Nagar, pooja took place at our shop at Morsali Gali. It was a joyful and scintillating event and many people used to grace the occasion. Chachaji, Chachiji, Niki, Bapna uncle and family, several 'karigars', and our complete family used to be present there. I hardly remember if Bully ever came for Puja. Puja was followed by giving gifts to karigars and by elders to younger. We used to anxiously wait for our turn and felt so elated on receiving the blessings and cash. That was one of the happiest moments for us. After Puja, we used to go to a Jain temple adjacent to our shop and exchange wishes with a hoard of people. There was always a photo session at the time of pooja which continued for many years. The next day's early morning (somewhere around 5), the sacred 'Gautam Rasa' was narrated in temples, and 'Laddus ( called nirvana ke laddu)" was offered to the idol of Mahavir Swami in remembrance of their achievements. We were forced to leave beds in the chilling morning of winters and were compelled to visit the temples. Though with a lot of reluctance we used to abide by the order of parents and literally trawled to the temples.

.

Kuldevi Pujan: It is on 'ekam' i.e 'pratipada' that we perform kuldevi poojan and beseech her blessings from her for the wellness and prosperity of the family. This puja was (and is) participated only by the members of the Nahta clan. We all remain hungry till the offerings are done to the deity. Dadagurudev puja is also performed simultaneously. A simple 'feast' comprising of boiled rice, boiled green lentil, 'Raita with fried skinned urad dal dumplings and some sweet delicacies which are/were specially prepared by my mummy for Puja. After Puja, everybody seeks the blessings of their elders. That's the only day when I remember everyone always lunched together. 

The same rituals are followed today too, what's new or missing then? First, the members and their number kept fluctuating every year. Chachaji and dadisaheb were two of the major members of all the rituals. Now they are no more and we cannot do anything except missing them. Anju di, Bully and Niki are betrothed and celebrate Diwali in their homes as per their family traditions. They are occasionally present but that too accidentally.

After the marriage of Atul Bhaisaab, Rita Bhabhi, Aashi, and Shana were permanently added to the family, so inadvertently they were new members in Diwali Pujas.

Second, neither that yearly pungent smell of paints exists nor that craze of decorating houses remained.

For me after paralysis, lots of things have changed. It has been many years since I've gone to the shop for Puja. A Diwali of aloofness only remained past 13 years. But I'm sure soon the times will change.

Diwali has always been a festival for me to return home. Wherever I stayed, I would always return to my home on this auspicious day. None of the circumstances held me back or hindered my path to not be present with my parents on this occasion.

Deflationary has inadvertently brought in many changes. Cutting cost on home decorations, sweets, gifts, clothes, though undesirable yet had to be accepted. Deflationary had been the raison d' etre for the unwitting increase of the gap between the people. 

Diwali celebrations now seem to be more like a formality than a festival of revelries. Previously people used to wait for this festival to come but now they heave a sigh of relaxation after this festival is gone.
Diwali is still a much solicited, & alluring festival but it has lost its old charm and splendidness; unwittingly, at least for the lower-middle-class and lower-class families. Still, Diwali would always remain a special time when family and friends get together for fun, cheer and escalate the feeling of belongingness I end here with this wish on Diwali:🎇🎆🎆

With gleam of Diyas

And the echo of the chants

Let's show some love and care

May happiness and contentment fill your life

And wish everyone out there

Happy Diwali

Here are memories of the moments celebrated together which are attached to my heart forever

Kuldevi Puja-2000
Chachaji, Atul B., Jijaji, Papaji

Kuldevi puja at Agrawal Nagar in 1992

Diwali at shop 1992

 

Diwali 1991
Me, Mahendra B, Bafna uncle, karigars, Ladu Ben, Lali, Anju di

kuldevi puja 2000

1993-At shop
Atul B, Niki, Chachiji, Mummy, Anju di
And some karigars

1993- At the shop
Bafna uncle, Mahndra B, Kamla aunt, Papaji,
Chachiji, Chachaji, Mummy,Me, Anjudi, Niki

1994- At the shop
Bafna uncle, Me, Niki, Atul B

1994-Mummy. Atul Bhai., Bafna unc, Anju di

1994-Bafna uncle, Papaji, Chachaji

1995- At Shop
Papaji, Chachaji, Sonu, Anju di, Mummy, Niki

1995- Kuldevi Pujan, Agrawal Nagar

1995-kuldevi Pujan, Agrawal Nagar

2000-At shop
Me, Bafna uncle with granddaughter, Papaji with Aashi, Chachaji, Niki, Mummy, Chachiji, Bhabhi, Neeta Bhabhi 

2002-At shop
Niki, Aashi, Mummy, Chachiji, Bhabhi

2002- At the shop
Papaji, Bafna uncle & Chachaji

2003- Me & Papaji at shop

2004-At shop
Bhabhi, Mummy, Aashi, Me, Chachaji with Shana, Bhaisaab, Bafna uncle